Pregnancy Glow

Pregnant women have such a "glow," you can see it in their faces. <---- This is a LIE, at least in my case. My glow is non-existent, unless you are referring to my red face and black circles under my eyes after spending every day, for an entire 9 weeks puking. In that case, you're right, I have a glow. :)  I have been seriously misled my some of my mommy friends and family. So, for any of you who are pregnant, are wanting to become pregnant, or who have conveniently forgotten what it is like to be pregnant, here you go. 

Pregnancy is the furthest thing from glamorous. It is this painful, terrifying, experience. It is a lot of puking, a lot of sleeping, a lot of worry, and very very little glamour. I am lucky if I walk out of the house without looking like a zombie, truthfully, I am lucky to walk out of the house at all. I am constantly worried about our baby. It is a maze of cramping, and worrying, and feeling good and worrying, and crying, and wanting to rip your husband's head off even though he has been nothing but wonderful. I honestly had no idea that I should expect all of this. I heard stories about how beautiful and wonderful pregnancy is, which of course I completely agree with, but no one told me about the pain and the gross stuff. I know it doesn't sound like a good time, it sounds like something you would want to avoid at all costs, and maybe you would. All I know is that I wouldn't trade a single moment of this for anything. My baby, this precious, amazing child who is growing even right now, is SO worth all of this and more. SO much more. I don't want to give anyone the idea that pregnancy isn't worth it, I just know that I wish I had been prepared for what I am experiencing. I wish I wouldn't have had to spend the past few months believing that something is wrong with me or that for some reason this is an omen that I will be a horrible mother. The more I have read and talked to people the more I have learned that every pregnancy is different and that what I am experiencing is normal. So, if you experience things during your pregnancy that make you question yourself, don't. You are normal and you WILL be a good mommy as long as you love that baby. <3   

To my precious little love, 

You are worth all of this and SO very much more. I could not be more thrilled with you and I cannot wait to see you on Tuesday when Daddy and I go for an ultra sound. We're nearly done with this first trimester and knowing you are snuggled in there makes me so happy every single day. 

XoXo

Mommy <3

Daddy is a Little Excited

I wrote Wes a letter with a poem from our baby. I folded it up and on the outside I wrote, "I love you twice as much as you love me. After all, I do get two votes." He read those words and the poem and then he saw the pregnancy test sitting under them. When he looked at me he had this amazed look in his eyes, and he asked me "what does this mean?" I told him, "This means we're going to have a baby." He was so happy and excited at first but then the nurse at my doctor's office told me that my progesterone was dangerously low and that miscarriage was not unlikely. The way she said it had me terrified and changed Wes from this excited daddy to someone who was scared to be happy. On the 12th of December  we had an ultra sound and got to see our little baby's heartbeat just thumping away on the screen. I had tears dripping out of my own eyes but I didn't expect to see them in his. Since then, he is so excited. He has been getting all kinds of Rock and Roll lullabies, he's constantly talking about the baby and about all the things he wants to do with him or her, and he was excited for our first trip to Baby's R Us. He has a joke, whenever anyone asks what gender we want the baby to be or if we are finding out, he tells them that it is a baby giraffe. So, whenever we go anywhere he wants to buy giraffe things for the baby. (I think he's secretly trying to trick me into a giraffe theme instead of my Harry Potter theme...sneaky daddy!). So far he has bought a giraffe stuffed animal, a plastic giraffe, and a hand painted ceramic giraffe piggy bank. He's so proud of it and he's so happy. It really melts my heart to see the way he looks when he talks about our baby, the feeling when he lays his hand on my stomach and tells me he loves me, and the sense of pride when he talks about how he can't wait for August to come. I am so lucky to have this man beside me and our child is SO lucky to have him as a daddy. He is all about our water birth plan, he's so supportive of breast feeding, he is on board with cloth diapering, and we are on the same page with every parenting issue that we've discussed. I can't say enough about how wonderful he is and how supportive he's been. Since Thanksgiving I have spent so much time vomiting or sleeping that I have done no house work, every night he goes to work and every day he takes care of me, cleans the house and takes care of the dogs (as a side note, I am praying that the second trimester is kinder to me than the first has been so that he can get a break and I can get out of bed without wanting to cry). He is so much more than my husband, he's my best friend, my soul mate, and he's a great father. <3 

:)  Here's to praying that the next 7 months are a time of preparation and joy <3 

I'll take every moment and cherish it forever

I've spent the past 6 weeks with my head over a toilet, bathtub, sink, or garbage can. My stomach muscles feel like I have done two-million sit-ups. Trust me, I haven't. I am so tired that I sleep all the time but it doesn't make me less tired. Through all of this, I cannot get over the sheer amazement and awe that inside me, there is a tiny life growing. There is a child that has a beating heart, a face I cannot wait to kiss, and hands I cannot wait to hold. I can't feel this baby moving, I can't see my stomach growing, but I know that there is a baby in there who will get stronger every day. I am 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant. In a few weeks I will be out of my first trimester and that much closer to holding my precious little miracle. I don't enjoy spending half my time being sick, but every time I feel nauseous I remind myself that it means my baby is healthy and there's nothing in the world I could hope for more than that. On some of the forums I am a member of, I see so many women complaining about being pregnant, about having to give things up, or refusing to give things up. There are so many women who would give anything to have what I have, and I will never take that for granted or forget it. This baby is the most important thing in the world to me. I will do ANYTHING to make sure that he or she is safe and there will NEVER be a moment when I regret my decision to become a mother. It is the one thing I have always wanted. I am so lucky, I am so blessed. 

Mommy and Daddy love you Lil Bean. Every day for the rest of our lives. <3