Yesterday I witnessed the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. One of my amazing friends had a home water birth and set up a private stream online so that those of us who were far away could be a part of it. She was in labor for days, she was amazing. So strong. At one point, I was so thrown by how completely different this birth was when she took bites of a cheeseburger, in her birthing tub, in between contractions. It was great. The next day, after her water broke she started having more contractions and it was getting closer to "time." Then, when baby Nathan was finally ready to make his way into the world, I witnessed a true miracle that I will forever be grateful for. She got on her hands and knees, and through moans, she pushed. Out loud she said the words, "I feel the head" and after another amazing push she lifted a gorgeous, perfect little boy out of the water and held him against her chest. No one came to take him away from her, no one rushed over to clamp and cut his cord, she just held her new baby as his daddy called their family members and his older siblings looked on with love. His big brother leaned over and gently touched his head and I couldn't stop crying. It was, quite literally, the most miraculous thing I have ever witnessed.
Here's the thing, I grew up in a time when medicine is the norm and holistics, anything to do with nature, and "crunchy living" is frowned upon. Somehow, big pharma and the government or the powers that be have convinced women that their bodies are not capable of natural child birth. That they NEED to be in a sterile hospital with a full surgical staff on duty even during a healthy pregnancy because they may need a c-section, or, their body may not be able to handle the pain of childbirth without an epidural. It's that kind of mentality that leads people to look at a mother planning a home birth and tell her she's irresponsible, then give her several horrifying scenarios as to what could go wrong. I'm not saying that no one should give birth in a hospital, how disrespectful would it be of me to presume to know what type of birth is best for another woman....OH, probably just as disrespectful as it is for anyone else to presume to know what type of birth is best for me, or my friend Mo, or any other mother who is planning her dream birth.
Do you know what every good mother has in common? Their most important goal during birth is to deliver a healthy child. That's a fact but it is a fact that looks different to different people. I have friends who are fantastic mothers who would never feel comfortable delivering anywhere but a hospital. They may still have a natural birth, or maybe for some reason they have a planned induction, maybe they have an epidural, maybe they don't. I have friends who are phenomenal mothers who delivered in a birthing center because they didn't feel comfortable at a hospital nor did they feel comfortable at home. And I have friends who have had completely unassisted home births or births at home with midwives present, and guess what? They are equally wonderful mothers. Not a single one of them went into their birth with anything but the best interest of their baby and themselves in mind.
A home birth is not irresponsible when a woman is having a healthy pregnancy. In fact, if you care to study a little bit, you will easily find statistics that show the opposite is true. Home birthing mothers are able to relax. They aren't hooked to monitors and ivs, they aren't being starved or deprived of drinks, they aren't being forced to lay on their back to give birth in a position that is ridiculously counterproductive to the birthing process. They are free to move around, relax, eat & drink, and spend time with family. They are free to ride out contractions in any position they feel comfortable in, and they are free to push when THEY feel ready not when some dude in a lab coat tells them they must. If an emergency arose and there was a need for medical intervention, home birthing moms almost always have a plan in place to get to the hospital quickly and safely. Home birth is not some new phenomenon, women have been birthing babies for a looooong time! Oh, and while we're on this subject....Doctors do NOT deliver babies (unless they are female and happen to be pregnant), they catch them. Mommies and their babies deliver babies.
When I lost Carter, I had just watched, "The Business of Being Born" a week earlier. I knew that I wanted a water birth. I knew that I wanted no interventions. I knew that I wanted it to be attended by my incredible midwife. After watching that documentary my head was filled with so much knowledge I'd never had before. When I started feeling like something was wrong and I called Stephanie around 1 am, she told me to monitor it and if I still felt off to come in. I did because I was in so much pain. I won't go into all the details because they're in my previous posts but this part is pertinent to this particular topic. When my water broke they called the OB at the midwife's office in. I delivered the baby and the cord detached from the placenta. I knew that I was going to have to push it out but I wasn't sure how or what to do. My heart rate was fading, I'm not sure if it was because of the stress and trauma or if my heart was just completely broken, and I was feeling like the room was spinning but Stephanie kept telling me I had to push because if I didn't I was going to have to go to surgery. Something in that moment just clicked in my brain. I knew I wasn't going to be able to take a living baby home from that office but I also knew that I could still have that intervention free experience. I wanted to be fully present and I wasn't going to let anyone take that from me. The doctor, who I won't name because I wasn't his biggest fan and I don't want to taint anyone else's opinion of him, started talking to my midwife about taking me to surgery for a D&C, and administering cytotec. That word jolted me. I remember looking at him with the most horrified feeling and telling him that no one would be giving me cytotec or taking me to surgery. He was slightly taken aback and proceeded to try to convince my midwife that I COULDN'T deliver the entire placenta and that I needed a D&C, apparently he had forgotten that I was in the room because he continued trying to talk her into convincing me. She came over and looked at me and said that she knew I wanted to do this naturally and that she was right there to help me. She pressed down on my stomach and I pushed over and over and over until I was quite sure I was going to die. I delivered the full placenta, avoided surgery, & refused the cytotec and once they got my heart rate stabilized, I had never felt so strong in my life. That's the thing doctors usually don't tell you. They don't tell you that your body CAN do it, or that you are strong enough, but you are and you can. I have no misrepresentations in my mind that naturally delivering a baby and a placenta at 15 weeks is exactly the same as delivering a baby at 40+ weeks, but I do know that because of that experience, I know that when the time comes and I DO get to keep a healthy baby here on earth, I will have the birth that I want because my body has already proven its strength.
I am not some "hippie" who hates doctors and medicine and anyone who doesn't agree with me. I appreciate doctors because I know that sometimes their job is necessary and they DO save lives. I appreciate medicine because without it many of my family members would not be here. I appreciate people with opinions that are not the same as mine because ideas change the world and that is SO important. What I don't appreciate is being told that MY body is not capable of delivering a child without interventions. That MY body is not capable of knowing when it's time to push without being told. That MY body cannot do what billions of other women before me have done. I don't appreciate that at all. If you don't believe in home birth, you don't have to have one, I have no intention of pushing this concept on anyone who doesn't want one. I'm glad hospitals are there for the women who need or want them. I'm also glad there are women out there who are standing up for their rights! I'm glad that in the states where the government is trying increasingly harder to make home birth illegal, women are standing up and telling them to back off! I'm thankful to the midwives who are risking their careers and their freedom by attending births in these states because they care about women and babies that much! I'm thankful to people like Ina May Gaskin and Ricky Lake for making the free birth/home birth movement something that people are talking about. I am SO thankful to people like my friends Monique and Heather who are so open with their own experiences because without them, I would NEVER have the courage to stand up and say that I KNOW my body can do it and I know what is best for my baby.
I won't even touch the topics of delayed cord clamping and placenta encapsulation, but yes, I believe in those too ;)
So sure, maybe you think that I AM, "one of those hippies." Maybe you think that I am a little too granola. Maybe you think I'm insane, but you know what? I Thank God that I am following in the footsteps of women who have had the courage to be insane before me. I am not afraid. I am strong.
