Carter,
Tomorrow marks a year since the day that we buried you. Last Valentine's day Daddy and I were so numb and broken that we didn't do anything but hold each other and cry. I cannot believe it's been a year since we said goodbye to you. Sometimes I wake up from a dream expecting to feel you moving inside me or feel you sleeping beside me. It seems so surreal that I don't have a baby when I feel like such a mom. You already know we are still waiting on a rainbow. Sometimes I feel like it's never going to happen. I honestly just want to disappear sometimes to get away from this pain but it doesn't go away. I'm surrounded by pregnancy, babies, and families, I try so hard not to let it break me but sometimes it does. I don't want to be jealous and bitter but sometimes I am...
I'm doing a lot better lately. I finally feel like I have a reason to live again. Not to say it doesn't still hurt because it does, but I have really made big strides toward being happy. Your daddy and I are more in love than ever...For a while there I thought we weren't going to make it. We just had to breathe through the pain and find our way back to each other. :) He's my best friend and I couldn't imagine doing life without his goofiness. <3 Plus, he and I are the only pieces of you that either of us have.
I miss your aunt Lisa too. SO much. The one thing that keeps me sane is knowing that she's up there snuggling you for me. She's the only person in the world I'd trust to rock my baby to sleep if I couldn't. I hope you and Abi are getting to know each other and having a good time playing. Sometimes I imagine you two running around in circles playing tag while Lisa sits in a rocking chair giggling and Amy gives her disapproving Amy face while trying not to laugh. I really miss all of you. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. How could so many people that I love have been taken away? I guess the comfort in that is that, for a little while, I had something that made saying goodbye SO hard.
I love you sweet boy. I will love you every single day of my life. Thank you for being my baby, for giving me the gift of being a mother that I never thought I'd have. Please give your aunties hugs for me, and grandpa Jack, Remedios, and your Uncles Brian and Kailob too. Tell them I love them. And never forget how very much I love you.
Forever yours,
Mommy
Tomorrow marks a year since the day that we buried you. Last Valentine's day Daddy and I were so numb and broken that we didn't do anything but hold each other and cry. I cannot believe it's been a year since we said goodbye to you. Sometimes I wake up from a dream expecting to feel you moving inside me or feel you sleeping beside me. It seems so surreal that I don't have a baby when I feel like such a mom. You already know we are still waiting on a rainbow. Sometimes I feel like it's never going to happen. I honestly just want to disappear sometimes to get away from this pain but it doesn't go away. I'm surrounded by pregnancy, babies, and families, I try so hard not to let it break me but sometimes it does. I don't want to be jealous and bitter but sometimes I am...
I'm doing a lot better lately. I finally feel like I have a reason to live again. Not to say it doesn't still hurt because it does, but I have really made big strides toward being happy. Your daddy and I are more in love than ever...For a while there I thought we weren't going to make it. We just had to breathe through the pain and find our way back to each other. :) He's my best friend and I couldn't imagine doing life without his goofiness. <3 Plus, he and I are the only pieces of you that either of us have.
I miss your aunt Lisa too. SO much. The one thing that keeps me sane is knowing that she's up there snuggling you for me. She's the only person in the world I'd trust to rock my baby to sleep if I couldn't. I hope you and Abi are getting to know each other and having a good time playing. Sometimes I imagine you two running around in circles playing tag while Lisa sits in a rocking chair giggling and Amy gives her disapproving Amy face while trying not to laugh. I really miss all of you. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. How could so many people that I love have been taken away? I guess the comfort in that is that, for a little while, I had something that made saying goodbye SO hard.
I love you sweet boy. I will love you every single day of my life. Thank you for being my baby, for giving me the gift of being a mother that I never thought I'd have. Please give your aunties hugs for me, and grandpa Jack, Remedios, and your Uncles Brian and Kailob too. Tell them I love them. And never forget how very much I love you.
Forever yours,
Mommy
